But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Randomize
