Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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