I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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