she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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