we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
