Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Randomize
