plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize
