It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I have tasted many bathrooms
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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