I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Randomize
