so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Did I show you my penis last night?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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