Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Randomize
