i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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