I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
