What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
