Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
