i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
