working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
