1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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