Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
