careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
