Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
