Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
