He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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