good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
