So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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