He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
