hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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