She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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