You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
