I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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