Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
