You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
