I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I currently don't understand fingers.
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