Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
