But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
