I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
