took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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