I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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