me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
