I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
