Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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