I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
