Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
