I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
