she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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