we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
