The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
