Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
