we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Randomize
