I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
