I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
