youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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