The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
