remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
