he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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